2 years, 7 months ago by LiarXAgerate
When last we left Saori Kumi she had gotten Pokey so fat he’ll have to be airlifted out of this blog on one of those rescue helicopters they use when barnyard animals get trapped on floodplains. (Which, IMO—if they’re not willing to become sapient, I don’t know why they get to use the helicopters.)
Look, Kumi-san, I say—Kumi-san, you can’t get him any fatter. He’s been chubby, portly, plump, zaftig, fat, fatty-fat-fat, Maury fat, humongous, enormous, disgusting, gelatinous. He’s made the Wii Fit mascot throw up. He’s eaten halfway through Ness Burger’s outstanding debt. I’m just not sure you’ve paced yourself well enough; there’s no other way to insult Pokey.
L-Liar-kun, she says—I have it! I’ll turn him into an object. A meat-object.
I’m all, only Chewy gets to call me Liar-kun, but she’s already started painting me a picture with her imagination brush. Like so:
“Enough. I get it.” The meat lump waved its baseball glove of a hand and let out a frustrated sigh. “That was supposed to buy us time. Looks like it didn’t live up to its price. …Hey, Starman Super, you brought another catalog anyway, didn’t you? Fork it over.”
She had outdone herself again.
The catalogue, while we’re on the subject—it’s not for food, which in a way showcases Saori Kumi’s versatility. It’s the one out of which Pokey’s been ordering all his henchmen. Random encounters aren’t cheap.
“Oh yes—yes! Here—sir.” The mysterious figure grabbed a container out from behind its back. It untied the purple cloth it was wrapped in and pulled out something that looked like a photo album. The gold foil cover was labeled “MONSTER LIST.” The figure offered it with both hands and hurried down to its knees to edge closer to the lump of meat.
Each page had four entries, each which resembled a resume of sorts. There was a picture, a graph, stats, and a few notes.
“It says here this is—big sale. Prices so low they’re—losing their shirts.”
“…What’s this? Octobot? Fish Man? …Nothing’s standing out. Ain’t there anything stronger?”
“How about this Mook Senior? It has 8,390 HP—50 guts points. Special abilities are Life-Upα—PSI Magnet…”
“Alright. Get twenty of ‘em. What else?”
“Ah… May I recommend—mixed team of Fobby—Smilin’ Sphere—Electro Spector. An electric disposition will be—big help.”
What I want to know is where this Starman Super, who has clearly read the player’s guide, was earlier, when Pokey was buying all those useless Attack Slugs. Stick to the Rowdy Mice! Smash attack after smash attack—I hate to send myself into hard mode, but I know a good deal when I see it.
After the jump, Pokey, still described exclusively inanimately by our intrepid author, finds himself transfixed by some of the Lost Underworld’s finest baddies, and Starman Super realizes he’s going to be extra busy.
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2 years, 8 months ago by LiarXAgerate
Chapter Eight: the longest chapter in the book. The end nears, or at least begins to near. Pre-nears. You’ll be forgiven for forgetting that on this blog one of our [my] many running [overbearingly repetitious] gags [gags] is to point out the fervor with which author Saori Kumi constantly points out Pokey’s weight. I don’t know if “Your mama’s so fat” jokes have been exported to Japan; if they haven’t, I know how I’d break the ice if we ever got to talking.
In any case, it’s all been building to this. Pokey was fatty-fat fat before, but now he’s really fat. Homebound fat. Exploitive TLC reality docudrama fat. This fat:
It no longer looked human. The body, which had gained more weight than it could handle, was layers upon layers of jiggly fat flooding outward—it looked like a cairn made of mochi. [ed. note: Yo' Mama Crew response: Daaaaaaayummm!!!] At such an enormous size no clothes could possibly fit, so two Miffy bath towels tied together sat around his waist, barely wrapped all the way around. Even a secluded fatty like this would normally be uneasy sitting stark naked.
But in his case, if he’d even had a sense of modesty in the first place he would have been conscious about ending up in such a state. He was mean and creepy. And on top of that, instead of scary, he looked completely ridiculous.
That’s right. This was the present appearance of the one and only Pokey Minch.
Question—Yes, you in the back, in the Pokey/FemmeGiegue t-shirt, which I was sure Fangamer had already discontinued.
Pokey/FemmeGiegue Fangirl: Why is Pokey so fat?? He’ll never be able to take FemmeGiegue to the beach, at this rate!
I’m glad you asked. You see—
Yo’ Mama Crew: Daaaaaaayummm!!!
You—you see, Pokey is evil, and gluttony is kind of representative of that, and if you’ll just put that down for a minute and let cooler heads prevail I’d be happy to quote this last line and leave you to your fanon devices. Now—now. I’m going to turn around to get the rest of this blockquote, and I trust you’ll not take advantage of my… my trust, here, all right?
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2 years, 8 months ago by Chewy
Time for another installment of fanart recruitment!
This next excerpt will be from Chapter Two, and rewind a bit to a previous blog post: Just Two Cops in Love.
Jim and Maggie, welcome to the MOTHER 2 novel illustrations. Let’s make this one count.
Behind the glass partition, a crowd of detectives was spitting while consulting one-another, practicing their quick-draws from the holsters beneath their overcoats, and snacking on cherry pie. Others were handling the zealous citizens who’d come to plea for the expulsion of wild dogs or the eradication of youth delinquency.
A group of policemen scuttled through the hallway and out the other door like a SWAT team, knocking some documents out from the arms of a passing female officer. She looked as though she were about to say something, but relented and threw her arms up in exasperation. Ness and Jim helped her with the fallen papers.
“Oh, thank you so much, Jim.” The woman adjusted her crooked glasses and, batting her eyelashes, gazed at Jim. “My goodness, is everyone on edge. I can’t concentrate on my favorite speed traps like this.”
“You’re so right, Maggie.” Jim, with a captivated expression, took her hand. “It’s terrible not being able to see your chalk lines. After all, they are the very best.”
“Tee hee. Well, the way you tear off tickets is so sexy and charming,” she said, girlishly.
“I hope we can set police traps together again soon.”
“Absolutely, honey <3. Let’s dish out those citations together.”
The next illustration for the novel will be the following:
Behind the glass partition, a crowd of detectives was spitting while consulting one-another, practicing their quick-draws from the holsters beneath their overcoats, and snacking on cherry pie. Others were handling the zealous citizens who’d come to plea for the expulsion of wild dogs or the eradication of youth delinquency.
A group of policemen scuttled through the hallway and out the other door like a SWAT team, knocking some documents out from the arms of a passing female officer.
2 years, 9 months ago by Chewy
Hi everyone, sorry for the sudden death of the blog. I got slammed at work and was out of the country on business trips and finishing up enormous projects, but now I’m officially done with all the implosions at my workplace and am back to a normal schedule.
Chapter 8 is by far the largest chapter and I’m currently wading through it, but once it’s done it’s all downhill from there! I’ll have plenty of time now to plow through and get things done once and for all, so look forward to it. 
2 years, 10 months ago by LiarXAgerate
Throughout the book, interspersed with some truly goopy romantic sentiment, Kumi reminds us that Ness and Jeff are kids, and not yet cootie-inoculted, at that, who travel everywhere with a girl who kind of freaks them out. Exemplary passages:
All of the beds were so big they looked like pro wrestling rings. The room by the kitchen was decorated with relatively simple blue linens, but the one further back in the suite was something else. The bed cover was black velvet with pink satin embroidery, and was folded back to show off two big fluffy pillows with matching colors. Placed above those was a heart-shaped herbal pillow. The pink and golden flower-patterned bed curtain lined with lace reached the floor, and pillars shaped as half-naked maidens holding flowers up before their eyes supported the canopy. On the bedside night stand was a neatly folded silk nightgown. A silver-colored wine cooler sat thickly entwined in frost, a welcome basket was filled with a mountain of fruit and a bouquet of deep red roses stifled the air with a strong fragrance!
So, I guess this was the honeymoon suite, and this bed for the newlyweds. The boys turned a shade of red at the sight.
“Yaay, it’s gorgeous! I get this ooone! ♪” Paula, however, leaped onto the bed and, squealing with delight, rolled all around it. “Wow, it’s so fluffy! And it smells so good… ahhhh…… Hey, you two, you can relax, you know. Why don’t you have a seat?”
“Uh… nah, I’m fine.”
“I’m—gonna go check the emergency exits!”
Jeff walked over to the desk and examined the hotel guidebook. Ness grabbed the room key and left to go check the hotel’s emergency escape route.
Poor Ness, especially, is made to act like he will melt if he remains too long in the presence of something or someone that gives off a girly vibe. A girl rolling around on a honeymoon suite bed while singing and giggling? I’m giving him a pass here—I think I saw that in a particularly creepy Def Leppard video.
This is going on in Summers, at the Hercules Suite; to get the reservation, Paula committed fraud! After the jump: Paula committing fraud!
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2 years, 10 months ago by Chewy
Just wanted to bring attention to a Chapter Five excerpt that I realized was missing some important information. I added an additional paragraph to the beginning, so if you’re interested about the Fly Honey situation check it out.
I’ve also added links to the table of contents to make it easier to navigate through chapter excerpts.
2 years, 10 months ago by LiarXAgerate
On we move to Summers, one of the funniest segments in the game proper. Saori Kumi begins her description of same by playing things a little straighter. Paint the picture, Kumi!
The sun shimmered and twisted as it sunk into the distant horizon. A red belt of sunset stretched along a straight line against the waves rippling into shore. Beautiful white sand, like granulated sugar, spilled across the luxurious beach resort.
Atop a small, gently rocking boat, beneath the shade of palm tree silhouettes in front of the blinding sun, a couple who had come from overseas was sitting on a warm beach mat, soaking in the season of love. They intertwined their arms, pressed their cheeks together, gazed into one another’s eyes, she twirled a lock of hair around a finger… There was also a pair of children engrossed in building a sand castle with their red bucket and yellow shovel.
The miseries of the world, the passing of time, what they would have for dinner tomorrow—everything was forgotten, replaced with the simple, fleeting act of glowing against the shine of a loved one. That is the sort of place this was.
Oh, but the couples. A couple here, another one there, and by them another couple and another couple. Nothing but couples. One every five yards along the coast with the dusk wind blowing. If there were ever a Couple Watching club in the world, they would undoubtedly grovel at this sanctuary, basking in their Mecca.
Beautiful! I’m still thrown off at every turn by Saori Kumi’s wild plot-driving, but I’m willing to guess, reading this travelogue, that something is about to ruin these couples’ collective day. Show me… onomatopoeia!
“Je t’aime, mon amour,” Alêne whispered to Pierre with a sensual voice that tickled at the ears.
“C’est magnifique, la vie en rose.” Louis and Leo softly lifted the chin of their lovers .
“Au chance liez, très bien .” Marie and Katorine batted their long eyelashes. “Chocolat au lait, pudding a la mode,” Francois and Chalut mumbled softly and sweetly. “Caramel bon-bon…”
Jean and Geneviève’s half-opened lips slowly approach one another’s. But then it happened.
Screeeeeech!
Nailed it!
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2 years, 10 months ago by Chewy
For the illustrations, I’ll provide some more excerpts from the novel–hopefully enough to provide enough visuals to work with. Just a reminder, illustrations should be as detailed and dynamic as possible. Even if you don’t think you have what it takes to make a professional-looking drawing, fanart will be happily accepted for the blog, so don’t let that hold you back!
I hate to screw up the order of the chapters, but I’m going to go back to chapter one and start over for the illustration excerpts. So I’m sorry if it gets confusing when I post illustration excerpts mixed in with excerpts from my current progress. This blog is kind of a draft board, anyway, heh.
The first illustration excerpt is going to be a portion of the novel that I originally intended to keep secret, because I’m still preserving a bag o’ spoilers. I don’t want ALL of the novel ruined before anyone has a chance to read it!
I changed my mind with this part because I thought it would be a fun image to include in the book. I also want to make sure that the images are exclusive to the novel, and not just something that looks straight out of the SNES game.
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2 years, 11 months ago by Chewy
Well, now that the translation has passed the halfway point, I want to introduce a new portion to the blog. Hopefully community involvement can carry this beast along as I finish up the rest of the book and head into the long, grueling process of editing the dang thing into oblivion.
I want to include artwork into this project–there’s no artwork included in the Japanese novel, but as long as we’re being flooded with story-lines and scenes that don’t show up in the game, let’s enjoy it and assign some visualization to the madness.
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2 years, 11 months ago by LiarXAgerate
Liar: So. Chewy. If I am looking at my notes correctly, and not numbers, chapter seven of ten marks the halfway point of the translation project.
Chewy: Yeah. I think that’s supposed to be really invigorating and gratifying, but I’m freaked out by the fact that I have as much ahead of me as I already struggled through.
Liar: Successfully struggled through. Gotta keep that in mind. It took more than Golden Week—he said, leading the interview—but it’s happening.
Chewy: Yeah. I guess considering it’s been stuck halfway through chapter one for six years, relatively speaking I’m translating at the speed of light. I’m upset that my time goal fell through when I realized I take a lot longer than I thought, but I think it’s going to be genuinely good quality in the end.
Liar: Yeah—the I Have to Rewrite The Mother 2 Novel Translation Blog would be less interesting than this one. And you might have to get another co-blogger.
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